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Dating Jokes

Dating Jokes Added Weekly ( Go to Newest Jokes . . . ) Send Your Jokes us.

Ways to turn men down:

Jokes about dating


HE : Can I buy you a drink?

SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money.


HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.

SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.


HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? or twice?

SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice


HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?

SHE : I must've been given your share.

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HE : Is this seat empty?

SHE : Yes, and this one willbe if you sit down.


HE : So, what do you do for a living?

SHE : I'm a female impersonator


HE : Hey baby, whats you sign?

SHE : Do not enter


HE : Your body is like a temple.

SHE : Sorry, there are no services today.


HE : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.

SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probaly die laughing.

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HE : Where have you been all my life?

SHE : Where I'll be the reset of your life in your wildest dreams.


A man and his wife are dining at a table in a posh restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife asks,

"Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

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Other Jokes not about dating


Patient : Doctor Doctor, I broke my arm in two places.

Doctor : Well stay out of those places then.


Did you hear about the recent futuristic baby born?

It was cordless.


A man walks into a clothing shop, He asks for the cheapest trousers in the shop.

The shop assistant replys; you are wearing them.

Your Jokes to us

Single? Want a lasting relationship? Age 18 to 80? Contact Rosie for advice on her matchmaking service
tel: 028 8772 7884 email: or use our contact form.

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